The Birth of David Lee Baker
There are many theories of how Dave Baker came into this world. Some of the most plausible include:
- The Unholy Spawn of an Elephant Gangbang (see Brothers Grimsby (Warning: NSFW)
- The Creation of a Tire with Psychic Super Power (see Rubber)
- The Aladine (see The Dictator) after someone smoked an Evil Bong (see Evil Bong 1-5)
- The child of Ursula Udders (see A Dirty Shame)
Even “Scotty Doesn’t Know” (see Eurotrip) and we probably never will either!
The First Known Sighting
The first known pictures of Dave are hard to recognize because he had hair… Obviously, since he knows everything, Dave knew that he needed to show off his hair while he could even if it was a horrendous style.
"Ah yes, the next great philosopher of our time. Plato, Aristotle... seventh-grader Dave Baker. Truly a lineage of intellectual giants."
Dave Baker is Always Right - THE HIGH SCHOOL YEARS
In High School, David was voted “Most Likely to be a 40-Year-Old Virgin”.
Turns out knowing everything doesn’t mean you know how to talk to girls…. ☹
Dave Meets Michele
Well, isn’t this poetic? The guy who knew everything finally meets Michele who’s going to constantly remind him he really doesn’t. "
This is the moment Dave realizes he’ll never win another argument again.
Truly heartwarming.
Dave Baker is Always Right - ENDORSEMENTS
Most people don’t realize that for his birthday, Dave has now gone completely green and bought a Nissan Leaf!
“No more muscle cars! We need to save the environment!”
"Only Kamala can save us! We must elect her in 2028!" - Dave Baker - Nov 17, 2024
All we can say is "Dave Baker is Always Right!"
Dave's Life Choices
In 2010, Michelle informed Dave that they weren't having any more children.
In an effort to avoid surgery, Dave, seen here, sat on a snowmobile of ice for 72 hours in an attempt to freeze his "ice cubes".
It must have worked because there have been no more children!
Seen here, Dave realizes that he can have 2 drinks at a time!
"Game Changer!" - Dave Baker
Thank God for Michele!
Otherwise I'm sure someone would have seriously hurt Dave LONG AGO!
As my mother always says, "There is a special place in heaven for people who work with the mentally handicapped." Of course she was talking about middle school teachers, but I think this is a VERY similar situation.
Michele- Your place in heaven is secured!
After launch of this website, Dave has been photographed trying to disguise himself as seen here. Sadly, we beleive that Dave has lost all touch with reality.... or maybe he never had it!
COMING SOON
Coming Soon: Our sister site DaveBakerisFullofShit.com
Back by popular demand we will launch our sister site soon!